:: Find Saipan ::

Don’t you hated when your peers are right about something. You know they have been telling you all the long that this isn’t going to work, that ain’t right.. etc etc But your stubborn or retarded self keeps telling you that you know better then them. So you keep at it and move on. What happens in the end is they were right and you are a retarded monkey. The situation is magnified by the fact is this problem was a little relationship.  

Today this has happened to me, and I have to say it sucks big monkey balls. I mean looking at it I was so fucken blinded, even seconds leading up to the point of me waking up to the fact that I am a retard. I was head over heals in love with this girl. Now.. I feel like a giant ass.. yes one might say monkey ass. I do like them monkeys, soo entertaining and educational.

So here I am .. awaken into a new world, with me sitting right in the middle of it. Right up that pinnacle retarded point I have planed everything around my life for this girl. Its like starting a baseball team, hiring everyone, practicing for the game, and then during your first game, at the bat you coming to the realization you don’t like baseball at all. So now, the situation is what do I do….  I guess I’ll just swing on, and hit a homerun and move on. One for all the monkeys behind bars.. this is for you homes ! 

A hidden gem of Japanese Imperial Might!  Here we have Nikko-Ken, a traditional ramen shop, run by a real Japanese person!  Nikko-Ken is located behind DFS, across from the bus parking area.  Let me introduce to you the owner and head chef of Nikko-Ken, Mr. Noodle Nazi.  Mr. Noodle Nazi caters to the Japanese tourist, so that even in overseas travel, Japanese people can spare themselves from the horrors of experiencing local cuisine, bravo!  Mr. Noodle Nazi strives to keep his shop tight and clean, so that means no foreigners allowed (foreigners = non - Japanese.  Everyone knows Saipan is a colony of Japan.)  English menu?  HA!  What do you think this is, McDonalds?!  Expect portions to be politely sized.  No pigging out like uncouth barbarians!  For foreigners that do wish to brave the experience that is Nikko-Ken, be sure to bring a Japanese person along, to ensure that your food isn’t specially blessed.  Seating is thankfully limited to about 6 counter spaces and a table for 4.  Considering the time it takes to make an order, any more seating would mean dynastically long wait times. 

The food itself is probably the best Japanese ramen you can get on island; the noodles aren’t overcooked and soggy, the soup isn’t prepackaged crap, the toppings resemble something you can get from Japan…  If its not negative, it must be positive, right?  Flavor comes in a few different varieties, but missing the king of all Japanese ramen flavors:  the legendary Ton Kotsu flavor.  Hailed as the king of all ramen flavors, not even mighty Mr. Noodle Nazi can hope to put forth an offering of such epic flavor.  Able to stop a heart mid - beat, clog drains and arteries with ease, lubricate diamond saws and give enough calories to keep a polar bear alive for 2 months, Ton Kotsu is the miracle food that is illegal to export out of Japan.  Dubbed a national treasure and is responsible for the quick rise of the Japanese Empire after World War 2, only a select few foreigners have had the honor, nay, PRIVILIDGE, of tasting this secret treasure.  Alas, Mr. Noodle Nazi, in the interests of national security, may not even mention Ton Kotsu in his shop.  Should it be mentioned, espeically by a foreigner, an extraordinary ass beating will be in order.  Pray that Mr. Noodle Nazi is in a good mood.

Prices are clearly marked on the menu, and a meal of noodles will run about 9 dollars a head if you are local Japanese.  If you are a local foreigner, you can expect to pay double that.  If you are Japanese, and know the Emperor(may he reign forever)’s birthda and recite the Tale of Genji, you get the food for free.

Remember, if you are foreign, enjoying Japanese Ramen is a priviledge, not a right.